i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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