i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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