help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
