Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let's get the cat blown out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
