This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize