if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
