...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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