i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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