These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
