Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
