I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
