Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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