how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
