He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
