Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
