Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
