Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
