An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
