It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize