it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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