piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
