I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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