Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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