just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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