dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
