I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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