Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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