You really coming over, don't trick.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
