very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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