The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
