Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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