she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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