I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
smell my finger.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
