Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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