Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize