this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
