Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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