dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
