i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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