So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
