paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
