Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
