New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
