imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
