you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
