What did we do last night that was yellow?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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