I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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