Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
