i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
