I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
