New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
