at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
