i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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