How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
