nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
