Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
