my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
