So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
