he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
