He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
