I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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