I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
