see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
