I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
