I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
