I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
