is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
