Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
