I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
