my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
