I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
