i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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