i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
