I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
