When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
