You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize