Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
