I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
