I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is the high leading the old right now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
