we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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