dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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