sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
