I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
