Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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