i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
