If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize