I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
