Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
